End In Dreams

Knitting

2011-11-13T10:15:00.000-08:00

I've picked up knitting and this really great book The Knitting Goddess which is one woman's life story told through the lens of learning how to knit. There are 10 Goddess stories and they all connect to a knitting pattern and a part of her life. It's about the spirituality of knitting, and connecting to female ancestors through textile crafts.

It's really cool, but I could *not* learn to knit from her instructions. I learned from this Youtube video.

I have a lot of female friends who knit or crochet, as well as family members. I suppose I'm more into embroidery/cross-stitch, but there's something so primal about knitting that I'm really into.

I've done several squares and etc, now I'm working on a scarf- very basic, very beginner... but I'm taking it in steps.

I'm also looking into weaving classes- wouldn't that be so cool?

Getting ready for Yule....already!

2011-11-10T16:11:00.001-08:00

Yule is by far my most favorite of the holidays.

It's also one of the most depressing. This time of year it's easy for me to fall into the angsty-persecuted-loneliness of being a religious minority.

But this year I'm really trying to make a change and find some sort of harmony with life and this feeling. I'm not sure why I get like this during this time, maybe it's because I have this need to have my religion recognized and respected by everyone? Maybe because I want to share it with everyone I know? Why does that matter to me? My family, my friends, my coworkers all respect me and my religious choices. Everyone I knows has a remarkable amount of tolerance/acceptance and I'm free to go about my business as I choose.

So this year I want it to be different.

I used to yearn for a huge family celebration right out of a Pagan Christmas card, or a Currier and Ives lithograph. But now it seems like a silly thing- why would I want all of that stress? Huge celebrations can be a pain.

So this year, I'm lowering the bar of expectations and going more for a simple Pagan holiday. Good food, good gifts, good stories, good magic. And good friends, if there are any still in town :)

I'm still debating the vigil of Longest Night... it didn't work out very well last year, and I'm more of an early riser than a night owl.

But I want to look into Saturnalia more, as well as a Pagan rendition of 12 days of Yuletide and focus more on telling stories and burning a Yule log. I want to have our tree up and decorated with time to spare, gifts ready and waiting.

I want the Little One and I to make cookies and more traditions.

In other news: I'm resurrecting the idea of Pagan Catechism, to start after Imbolc. My BF thinks it's a good idea and he's thrown in some really good ideas. Let's see if I'm able to do it :)

Samhain and starting over

2011-11-01T11:28:00.001-07:00

Hey all :)

We celebrate Samhain today (Nov 1) and I'm going to a Winter Night's celebration this evening with the Pagan club, I'm excited.
Things are going really well with the club- we have a bunch of members and it's a lot of fun.

I have a Big-Kid job now and I dropped out of my grad program. Well, I dropped the class from this semester and I'm evaluating if I want to try again next semester. We shall see.

I'm not preggers and I've been given a "sign" that I just need to be patient.
I think the phrase 'given a sign' is really awkward. But is it more awkward to say "I've been told" ? Whatever. It's time to be patient.

It's hard.

In other news, through the pagan club I've made some good friends. We're starting a smaller circle where we can hopefully make some more spiritual progress, so that's exciting.

I think I've found that I really need my home life to be religious. I need to celebrate the holidays and moons and share that with my little family. This year I took the 'back off' approach and so I felt pretty sad about it. Starting over for me means that I'm rededicating to celebrating and involving others.

So here we go!

Request for Info

2011-07-12T11:24:00.000-07:00

Sooo....

I'm trying to get pregnant and I'm wondering if anyone out there is a parent and has any lore, spells, rituals or information to pass on about childbirth and conception.

I would totally appreciate it :)

Thanks much!

2011-07-01T11:47:00.000-07:00

Over at Pagan Blog Prompts, she asks:

How does your faith guide you in how you buy and eat food?

Are you vegan (or vegetarian) because of the ethics your faith imposes? Or have you chosen to be that way for other reasons?

Do your beliefs even have anything to do with how you eat?

My answer is absolutely yes. But the important thing is that I don't judge other Pagans if they don't have the same view as I do in regards to what they eat. This is my own personal interpretation of the things I have learned, heard and felt along my path.

Having said that, I'm strictly vegetarian with strong vegan leanings. We buy almost strictly organic food, materials that are recyclable and made with respect to the earth. We drive a Prius, for Goddess' sake :) we have too many reusable bags and we compost.
It's important to me.

Important in my faith is to respect and care for nature
I believe animals are fellow sentient beings.
I believe animals are sacred to the Gods and Goddesses

With all the information about factory farms, ecological impact of raising animals for food and the waste that is produced... I find that being vegetarian (at least) is necessary for me to feel like I am doing my part to care for the world in which we live.

I don't use drums with animal hides and I don't use animal parts in spells (unless they were freely given: feathers, snake shed, etc). I know people who don't like to use plastic in anything, especially spiritual items, but I just can't do it.

Also, I can't help but think about how magic is made… intention is so important that I can't help but think suffering detracts from my intention.
I will fully admit that I have not wanted/felt like I needed to hex/curse someone before. Perhaps this will change, but I'm not sure it will.

However, like anything else, I make mistakes. There are some things I am not able to accomplish (like having shoes with no leather or not accepting the down comforter my mother bought me) but I am very conscious of my options and decisions.

Pagan Blog Prompt: Wiccan Rede

2011-05-30T09:15:00.000-07:00

I tend to follow Pax's ideas of The Ethical and Virtuous Witch when it comes to the Rede.

His interpretation boils down to: “Strive to do no harm, and seek a path of harmony towards your destiny” which I find really inspiring.

Otherwise I like to remember that the Rede is a lot longer than the last eight words, even though they are a good summary.

I like "live and let live/fairly take and fairly give" as a personal crede.

Summer time!

2011-05-20T14:07:00.000-07:00

So I got into the Graduate program I applied for.

I have one summer class left in my undergrad career.

I don't know if I'm getting handfasted this summer or not.

I was reminded how horrible people are in the forums of a fun game-thing I like to play online. More reason to stay away from forums. I don't know why I bothers me so much, but it does.

Tonight is the ice cream social at the Little One's school. I do so love ice cream.

I sliced my finger open pretty bad today during lunch. It makes typing difficult.

I've decided that this summer will feature me connecting/searching for a patron deity. I'm ready for this.

I seriously can't wait to move away from this place. Soon, soon, soon, soon.

My friend is having a baby boy this summer, and she really wants me to come help/visit post-birth. Yay!!!

I've made a lot of spiritual progress with the campus pagan club-- they've become a really great resource for me :)

I'm still not sleeping well because of stress, but c'est la vie, I suppose.

I did well grades-wise this past semester.
Next semester I'm taking an intro course for ancient Greek. I'm so very stoked about that. As well as beginning my grad courses. W00t.

Thank the gods, thank the earth. Life is change.

Tornadoes and Doubt

2011-03-16T21:19:00.000-07:00

(Cross posted on my website)

Sad to say that the Little One recently has been teased at school for being... well, not Christian. And as “dad’s-fiance”, there is nothing I can do about it. I can’t talk to the teachers/staff independently because I’m not even legally “step-mom” (who has very little power anyway).

And it seemed like the fiance wasn’t so bothered by it. He was going to call the school and have a chat, but then he got sick and forgot about it.

Then we find out that the Little One has been teased a lot since then and she’s been acting out at school.... she has ‘melt-downs’ that happen when she gets frustrated and upset but can’t find words to explain how she’s feeling so she starts screaming and pushing. Not exactly helpful for teachers/aides/etc... but she’s getting better about it.

Anywho, she’s been acting out at school and getting into trouble because she’s being teased and the teachers/aides/etc don’t believe her (because all they see is her melt-downs) but there’s that.

Since this has been going on, the Little One wants less and less to do with learning about Wicca. And seriously, how can I blame her?
She wants to be ‘like the other kids’ because, get this.... ‘they have Jesus who has 24 angels who stop tornadoes’. When she said that I burst out laughing so hard I almost choked.

What. The. Fuck.

After explaining that Jesus is not a superhero (but some people like to think he is)... and that a tornado is a severe windstorm, she seemed to get it.
Hopefully next time she can laugh also.

So we talked to her teacher at the last parent-teacher-conference, so hopefully that will help with the teasing. We also stressed to her that she is not allowed to talk about anyone’s religion at school. School is for facts, home is for myth/spirituality.

Which brings us to today. Ostara is around the corner. I’m really depressed about the Little One and I feel like I’ve lost a lot of steam with this. I’m pulling back into myself and it sucks. The BF doesn’t seem to notice one way or the other if we celebrate Full Moon or the Sabbats (he has fun and takes part, he just doesn’t really have a stake in them at all) ... which is normal/expected, because he isn’t Wiccan/Pagan. And since the Little One isn’t ‘into it’ anymore, it’s back to just me. And dying eggs alone is depressing.

And that depresses me way more than it should. I mean, it’s *my* spiritual path, not hers, not something I’m doing for the family. It hasn’t shaken my beliefs or anything... only made me doubt the rational/logic behind teaching it to her.

UGH.

So I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to force her into learning this, but I want to teach it to her. I tend to look at things from an ALL or NOTHING perspective so I know I’m missing some middle path, but I don’t know what to do. I’m not in the mood to fake happy and do Ostara stuff on my own, but what else can I do?

Any thoughts?

Musings on Deity

2011-03-15T13:31:00.000-07:00

So I'm a member of my university's Pagan club and our last meeting we chatted about deity. I didn’t really have anything to say then, but as I thought about it more I find I have tons to say.

At my house, in my practice, we celebrate with the names 'god' and 'goddess' to identify the masculine and feminine forces in our lives.
It works because the Little One doesn't need to memorize names of gods and goddesses yet... she needs to learn about being a good person.

However, I have been searching for specific deities to work with/for so this conversation was a good starting point for me. Two things really stood out to me from our discussion.

1. I have problems with the idea of using pantheons.
One of the members brought up some of the biggest: In every pantheon, things happened that are unacceptable today. Rape, murder. I can’t worship/devote to someone who took part in any of that. I know culture changes, etc, but srsly?

On the flip side, if cultures have really changed then how can we relate to these deities?
Also, pantheons are a great shortcut in worship. There are already rituals created, gods aligned, stories to pass on, traditions to follow. I love that structure.

2. Not all of the gods/goddesses are the same and they certainly are not interchangeable.
I have even more problems with the idea that 'all the gods are the same, only they have different names'. Frankly, I find it insulting and it belittles everyone who has become a dedicant of any specific deity. I believe that every god is unique and real. To say that Zeus is the same as Ra is utterly ridiculous. Every god is different, that’s why you can tell them apart when you work with them.
It’s an awkward way of simplifying such a rich and diverse culture of deities and so far in life I’ve found that when you take the simple way, simple idea, or boiled-down version of anything you are missing quite a lot and it leads to a lot of mistakes.

Also, I don’t like the idea of interchangeable gods because it leads to people invoking a god from one pantheon and a goddess from another in the same ritual, without any reservations. I’m completely anti-that.
I do understand, intellectually, the idea of having multiple patron deities, from different pantheons. The only problem is the number of people who are thoughtless about picking deities far outweigh the number of people who take the time and actually dedicate to multiple deities to ask for patronage.
So usually I consider it thoughtless negligence at best and disrespectful arrogance at worst.

I think it really comes down to I believe you need to have a relationship with a god/goddess before you start asking for favors... and that seems to be a rare outlook.

.................

So yeah. I’m pretty much back to where I started, but I’m glad I was there to listen to the discussion. It’s always neat to hear other people’s ideas of deity.
I’ve been thinking about this for about 2 years off and on, trying to make sense of it and find a fit for me....and I think I still have more questioning ahead.

Yule and Raising Wiccan-lettes

2011-01-17T10:23:00.001-08:00

Yule was ok... lol. it was neat and I think I have a basis for creating traditions based on some of the stuff we did, but overall it was a bit underwhelming.

Anywho, I have plans for starting after Imbolc.... such as weekly study sessions with the Little One... I approached her and asked if she wanted to learn more about religion and the God and Goddess and she said she did. Also, she was watching her favorite TV show when I was talking to her and she still wanted to start... as in, she preferred talking about the God and Goddess over watching her favorite TV show. < 3 < 3< 3 her tons.

So we're working on learning meditation and going a bit deeper into the philosophy and spirituality side of Wicca.. she's excited :) I am too.

I think I'll wait for Imbolc to really kick things off... I'll have a bit more time to set up lesson plan type stuff and really get into the swing of the idea of teaching. It's a bit awkward and it's difficult because everyone's path is different so there aren't really any solid books or Sunday-School-Type of materials out there.

I've picked up a couple books that look like they'll work for me...I tried the 'Circle Round' book, but I'm not really into Starhawk's philosophy so I picked up a couple good ideas, but I'm glad I didn't buy the book (the library had it).

Also, we've checked out some books about ancient myths to read at bedtime. We started with Goddess stories from Kris Waldherr (here) and from Burleigh Muten (here). We liked both books, but there was a lot of overlap with goddesses. We got them both from the library, but I've been really into the idea of buying Waldherr's book. I have her Goddess tarot also (it was my first) and the pictures are phenomenal. Also, it's available on the Kindle... and the BF has an iPad with the app, so it'll be superawesome.

So now it's on to learning about gods and heroes (the two seem to be intertwined) and we've picked up a book on Norse Myths and Greek Myths for kids, to introduce the ideas of pantheon and levels of gods/goddesses. And also to give her more ideas of creation myths and the things that were important to other cultures.

It's fun :)

Win!!

2010-11-10T18:28:00.000-08:00

Give- away winner!!

Over at Pagan Culture, Magaly drew me as the winner!

Yay!!! And the books came in the mail yesterday, I need time to get pictures and post them, but I'm super excited about getting them started :)

Thank you!!

edit:

Here's the pic!!

Samhain Activities

2010-10-29T18:00:00.000-07:00

Decorate altar

Make incense

Pooka Pages, color pages

Divination: for the new year

Write new year resolutions and bury them on your property

Set a Feast for the Ancestors: apples, pomegranates, salt, apple cider

Make a new wand, or help your child make one

Re-cast protection spells on your home

Carve jack-o-lanterns, pumpkin tea light prosperity charms

Make new candles for the year

Drink Mugwort tea for special dreams

Cut out apple chain- write each ancestor on it

make red, black, white bracelets

Giveaways

2010-10-24T09:28:00.000-07:00

I don't really participate in the giveaway season... but cypresssun is giving away one of her beautiful creations.

I can't help myself! Lol. So pretty :)

Samhain Incense

2010-10-21T20:04:00.000-07:00

Here's for Samhain:

2 pt rosemary

2 pt cinnamon

1 pt cloves

1 pt marigold

1 pt bay leaf

1 pt sage

Kids

2010-10-20T21:12:00.000-07:00

With the Full Moon coming up this weekend, I've been thinking about better ways to get kids involved in Ritual.

She lights candles (when she's comfortable with it), calls the Elements, says farewell, we pass around cakes & tea so we all can bless them. She also helps me make the cakes.

We don't really do music because we live pretty close to our neighbors.... but next year I'm planning on doing more ritual outside.

Any ideas?

Also, I put together a booklet about the holidays- with picture to color, info and some lore for each holiday... along with why we celebrate each holiday. It's pretty neat... I'm kinda proud of it :) It's here on my other website. Towards the middle of the page!

Fall Days

2010-10-16T08:32:00.000-07:00

Our area is already starting to freeze at night.... sigh. The surest sign that winter is on its way!!

Also, I've been getting up at 6:20 every morning and as I'm hanging out with my pup at the dog park, I get a really awesome view of the sunrise- right over the forest.

It's pretty breathtaking :)

My wonderful bf helped me construct a cage for my herbs that won't winter in our area. It's so the cats don't get into them ;)

It's really neat having the herbs inside :)

I can't wait for snow!!! This is my favorite time of year, and one day I'll be able to enjoy it without having to deal with school too!!! :P

Happy Mabon!!

2010-09-22T21:10:00.000-07:00

Our family isn't celebrating until this weekend (due to school, work, etc) but I hope everyone has a great holiday :)

AND have a great Full Moon tomorrow. For some reason I thought they were on the same day, but it's pretty darn close!!! So, Happy Harvest Moon!!

Here's our list of plans for Mabon:

Decorate altar, home

Make incense:

Plan Winter hobbies- make goals

Pooka Pages, color pages

Divination:

Leaf Spell

Give offerings to trees

Put an apple on burial sites to honor the dead

Make a broom

Make wine

Fill a basket with pine cones, dried leaves, wheat, acorns and branches to leave by your door.

Make leaf prints

Make applesauce

Make a leaf crown out of turned leaves

Make caramel apples

Donate food

Make a list of things you’re grateful for

Make prosperity candles

Make Gods’ Eye for protection for your home

Make dream catchers

Autumn Altar

2010-09-18T11:24:00.001-07:00

From Pagan Blog Prompts: Autumn Altar

Here's our family Mabon altar:

And here's the harvest spread :) More pics on the other site.

Herb harvest!!

2010-09-16T21:54:00.001-07:00

Pictures are up at my other website's blog.

I'm really happy and can't wait to use them in recipes of all kinds :)

Mabon Incense

2010-09-16T21:45:00.001-07:00

1 pt pine needles

1 pt rose petals

1 pt rosemary

1 pt cinnamon

1 pt dried apple

1/2 pt sage

1/2 pt vanilla

hrm.

2010-09-07T20:47:00.000-07:00

My biggest spiritual goal is to be part of a lineaged trad coven.

I know I probably have a romanticized view of what it would be like, but I still want it. I want to work my ass off for years to become an initiate. All that work seems so rewarding. I want to learn from someone who has been doing this for decades- who can explain things to me, who I can depend on to help me grow spiritually. I want to join a coven and add to it- do my part to make the coven a stronger coven.

The problem:

I've never met a trad person before. In all the meetups over the years I have only met people who define themselves as "witches" or "eclectic". Lately it seems like calling oneself "Wiccan" is a dirty word, let alone "Traditional". No one seems to know how to answer questions about divination, energy, deity. Everyone is quick to justify the way they practice- the way they feel they should be practicing, with no real commitment, no real direction.

Perhaps I'm not trying hard enough to find a coven- I live 2 hours away from a major city, I should be able to find a group. I have excuses- no car, no bus fare, no consistently free time to dedicate with such a long drive.

I could dedicate time for weekly meetings, hours of personal research time, time to plan and write up ritual- but a 4 hour drive, weekly, is too much when I'd be borrowing the car.

I suppose I'm being lazy. I suppose I'm just making excuses. I suppose it might be the wrong time for me- shouldn't the opportunity appear when the Gods find me worthy? I know Wicca tries to emphasize personal responsibility, but fate/chance/destiny plays some role.

So what I wonder about is what should I be doing *now* to make my spiritual self look more attractive to a traditional coven when the time comes?

How can I be directing my own spirituality in a way that I will gain the most? Learn the most?

I've been writing formal ritual for Sabbats and Esbats this past year- even if we don't use them, at least I have them. I've been making real progress with remembering stuff (and recording it). I'm working through memorizing symbols so I can read tea leaves, tarot cards so I can get better with divination. Researching herbs so I can use them better.

I suppose I need to work on meditating and energy work. I'm not all that super sensitive to energy, but I don't know how to learn- and I can't seem to find someone who can explain it to me. I need to start using tools in Circle, for magic. I need to work on being comfortable in Circle. I need to start doing magic, work on my relationships with the God and Goddess- and with specific Gods and Goddesses.

But how?

All the literature, all the websites and information out there is so basic. I know the holidays, I know the basics. What happens after Wicca 101? You find a coven- you find other people to learn from. Or you teach the basics your daughter and fiance and hope they doesn't ask questions you don't know how to answer.

Family Traditions

2010-08-09T13:42:00.001-07:00

So I'm working on creating/finding a family tradition. I have my BOSes full of information and I know sorta what I fee about the holidays, but I'm working on stories to teach the Little One.

We've worked our way through a couple books on old myths, old gods and goddesses and their stories, but nothing really jumps out at me.

I've been raising the Little One with 'God' and 'Goddess' as names for male/female deity- which is how I pray, how I celebrate..... but I can't help thinking I would like to find a family pantheon. It seems like twice a year I go through this- trying to find gods and goddesses that are relatable, pronounceable and that we can develop relationships with.

I've done 'seeker' type rituals and read up a ton... Le sigh. I don't know. Lol. Perhaps it's not meant to be yet.

Lammas Recap

2010-08-02T09:49:00.001-07:00

Lammas 2010 :)

Family altar:

Decorated Wreath:

Lammas Bread:

Garden altar: (the Little One and I wildcrafted the flowers)

Corn Dolls:

Blackberry Pie:

We had fun :)

Things to Do for Lammas

2010-08-02T09:41:00.001-07:00

Lammas To Do

Food:

B: oatmeal, milk, honey

L: iced teas, roasted corn,

D: mushroom barley soup, cornbread

Ds: blackberry pie, ice cream

With ritual: bread, red wine

Activities:

decorate altar- grains, sun flowers

decorate grapevine wreath- grains, leaves

make incense: rose, chamomile

Pooka Pages, color pages

Divination: runes

Corn Dolly, Stick Man

Farmer’s Market

Make, offer a sacrifice

Meditate on being grateful

make wines, ale

canning

make a harvest collage

throw out old herbs, restock the magical cabinet

begin drying herbs from garden- make smudge sticks

make a scarecrow for next year’s garden

make breads

stargazing

make baskets

make rune set

make an apron for the new year

Ritual:

note change of seasons- god, goddess changes

give thanks for food, fertility, next year.

corn dolly dedication

Book of Shadows

2010-07-28T10:03:00.000-07:00

Third out of three!

Our Book of Shadows is all the rest of the knowledge I've come across that isn't in the Book of Seasons or the Book of Spells.

Table of Contents:

Part I: Beliefs

Wiccan Rede

Goals of a Witch

The Nature of a Witch

Creation Myth

Prayers

Part II: Deities

Phases of the God

Phases of the Goddess

Part III: Magical Correspondences

Elements

Colors

Chakras

Divination Types

Moon Magic

Tools

Front Cover:

Divination section:

Ethics section:

Elements:

Color correspondences:

This is also a work in progress, but hey- it's all good :)

Book of Spells

2010-07-26T20:10:00.000-07:00

This is the second post, out of three.

Our Book of Spells is pretty bare right now, I haven't done much in the way of magic- I celebrate and worship more than anything else.

Table of Contents:

Spells A-Z

Lore, arranged alphabetically by subject.

Our Book is 8 1/2 x 11- standard size for pages.

Inside page:

Spell page:

And at the end of the book is a section on lore I've compiled over the years.

Book of Seasons

2010-07-14T19:39:00.000-07:00

Our Family has three books for the Craft.

This is the first in a three-blog series, with pictures and a description (and table of contents) for each of the books.
All three books are work-in-progress, and will be more sophisticated as I find more time to write everything down.

So----- This is our Book of Seasons.
Table of Contents:

Part I: Rituals
Outline
Cleansing & Consecrating
Circle Casting
Chants
Invocations

Part II: Life
-Sabbats
Correspondences
Traditions
Lore
Crafts
Altar Design
Recipes
-Moons
-Rites of Passage
Pregnancy
Birth
Coming of Age
Handfasting
Death

Part III: Family
Tree
Ceremonies/Special Happenings
Goals

12 X 12 Scrapbook Album

Circle Casting and Releasing- With cue cards :)

Ritual Outline

Different types and ways to Cleanse before Ritual.

Section on Yule

Correspondences

Crafts

Rituals of Life Section

I have most (about 80%) of Sabbats fleshed out, so now it's on to the Esbats, Life Rituals and Family sections :)

Lammas Incense

2010-07-13T21:51:00.000-07:00

2 pts Rose
2 pts Chamomile
1 pt Cinnamon
1 pt juniper berries
1/2 pt basil
1/2 pt bay
1/2 pt oregano

Full Moon Plans

2010-07-12T17:40:00.000-07:00

(Cross-posted at my website blog.)

OMG. It’s been exactly 1 year since I started my website!! Yay :)

So, yeah. Full Moon plans.
The whole year so far, I’ve been building courage to add the Little One and my BF into my Full Moons. Granted, I’ve been pretty fail on actually doing ritual so far this year, but it’s ok. I’m taking baby steps with adding the fam.

After Litha, I decided that I think they’re ready. Now we’ll see if I’m ready.

I wrote up/designed our first family Full Moon and it’s a cute little file on my computer. July’s Full Moon is on a Monday, which is good timing for us. And I think it’ll be fun.
I think I’ll invite my sis, who hung out with us for Litha dinner/ritual- she says she’s interested in learning and it was neat to have her there. But... idk.... sigh.

It’s so hard for me :(

~*~*~Back story~*~*~
When I decided I was called to be Wiccan, my parents shit bricks. I was 13 and suppose I could have brought it up better, but the bottom line is- I didn’t.

The convo went like this:
me- Hey, mom and dad, guess what? I found this new religion, and I’m excited, and I’m gonna be a witch!!
my dad- **%& #(#^#( @&$^@ $(*$@^ $(@!
my mom- Not in this house. (&*W$@.
me- Oh.
my dad- Are you gonna start wearing black now and killing cats? **%& #(#^#( @&$^@ $(*$@^ $(@! What happened to my smart daughter?!
me- *crying*

And I almost got kicked out. There was a *lot* of screaming, swear words and misunderstandings. And it hurt. A LOT. But I gave up learning about Wicca and hid the books I had collected. I only thought about Wicca, prayed to the Goddess and looked at books at the local book store.

I never told my parents I “changed my mind” or “got over it” because I didn’t. I was respecting their wishes and rules... after all, it’s their house. But I refused to go to their church services and pretend to be Christian.

I have *always* been a great kid- smart, friendly, never got in trouble with the police, never got in trouble at school. So it hurt that they would just assume I’d turn into a terrible person. It hurt that they didn’t even ask what I believed.

So I got to college, pulled out the books again and started learning. But I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve done ritual with other people.

I never really realized how much damage my parents left until I decided I wanted to include my new family in ritual. I found that It’s so incredibly personal, and I’ve closed it off so much.... it’s hard. Any little excuse has kept us from doing Full Moon ritual the past 7 months. I’m tired. He’s tired. The Little One was bad at school. Dinner is running later than I expected. The dog needs to go to the dog park to run.

I want to feel like they reallyreallyreally want to learn and be part of this- and I know they are interested. The Little One has really taken to the holiday stuff, and the Goddess. My BF is nothing but supportive- he’s been incredible.

For Litha we did a small ritual- but I chickened out and didn’t cast circle. I made excuses, but blahblahblah. We could have circled if I wanted to.

So what it comes down to now is that I feel safe in my little family and their acceptance so now it’s time for the next big step for me. It’s time.
I’ll be shaking and praying for courage but I know the Goddess is holding my hand.

Lazy day.

2010-07-06T14:15:00.001-07:00

So I’ve been busy with the Little One, we were on vacation and everything seems to be cooking along nicely :)

I offered to help at Pooka Pages but I’m not quite sure what I can offer. Maybe a story? Maybe a craft?
We’ll see :)

Otherwise, I think I’ve figured out our Lammas plans, those will be posted later.

I need to take pictures of my BOS-es.... I have several and they are turning out quite nicely, if I do say so myself. I really like having a family to celebrate the holidays with, and I’m really able to take my religion to a whole new level with their participation.

It’s really awesome.

Litha Pictures

2010-06-27T08:59:00.001-07:00

Litha 2010.

Inside, family altar.

Outside altar.

Incense: Lavender, basil, chamomile

Grapevine wreath, decorated for the season :)

Lemon Poppyseed Muffins for breakfast.

Litha cake! (Yellow cake because I failed at making a lemon pound cake at high altitude)

Royal icing toppers- piped into shapes and dried. Totally fragile, but way cute.

Grilled veggies for dinner (with corn on the cob and noodles)

Sculptures created for future altars, representations of the elements, etc.

Protection amulet for the puppy :) charged during ritual.

Also--- Pooka Pages!!!
And coloring pages, stories and etc.

Ritual was excellent- the Little One totally loved being part of it :)

Litha Plans!

2010-06-01T14:27:00.000-07:00

Cross-posted on my website:

Our family plans for Litha:

Food:
Breakfast- lemon poppy seed muffins, orange juice
Lunch- grilled cheese, potato salad, mac + cheese, tomato/basil/mozzarella sandwiches,
sparkling lemonade, fruited iced tea
Dinner- grilled veggies, rice, strawberry-lavender lemonade
Dessert- lemon pound cake with strawberry sugar glaze

Activities:
- swimming
- decorate altar, grapevine wreath
- make incense for ritual
- bonfire? with 9 woods or 9 herbs
- pick out/find Yule log
- stay up until sunset, story telling
- hike, nature walk, collect wildflowers
- leave out sugar milk/herbs/ribbons for the fairies
- Pooka’s Pages printout, other coloring pages
- amulets for protection
- daisy crowns for kids

Ritual work:
charge protection amulets
blessing for parents, animals

Recap: Beltane!

2010-06-01T14:07:00.000-07:00

I just realized I didn't post what we did for Beltane!

Oh noes!!
So here it is:

Braiding :) We each made one... we picked three colors to represent: our selves, our hopes and our futures.

Our altar:

We made flowers:

And breakfast:

Yay!!

Giveaway post

2010-06-01T09:51:00.000-07:00

Cypress Sun is having a giveaway!!

She has a truly beautiful selection in her Etsy store!

List

2010-05-16T12:07:00.000-07:00

So here are my dreams:

Live in a town that feels comfortable
Live in a house that inspires me
Have a garden that speaks to me
Have Wiccan kids
Love my BF forever
Become fluent in a second language
Start up/Help out at a community garden
Become part of the larger Pagan Community

Musings

2010-05-10T13:17:00.000-07:00

I'm in San Diego, hanging out in the Hotel while my BF does some startup contract work for his previous employer (the reason we're here).

I've been to a local Pagan store, and it's pretty awesome. I'm a tad disappointed that in such a big city there is so little available Pagan-or-Wiccan-focused.

The BF used to live here, so he's taken to me to his favorite places and we have had an amazing time here :)

In my busy life I haven't had much time to really sit and think about the changes I want in my life, the things I want to happen, who I want to be.

Well, I started this morning.

During the drive, the BF and I were listening to NPR science podcasts and I have to say, I feel motivated to do more. Lol!! We already drive a Prius, recycle, have a small garden, buy eco-friendly products, eat locally, shop organically and compost but I want to do more.

We're also reading the book Earth as our couple book and it's coincidentally also about saving the earth.

So with all this motivation rolling around in my head, I've started trying to figure out how this is all gonna work out. I really hate it when I get all motivated then I laze about until it dissipates.

I'm making a list of dreams that I don't want to be afraid to dream.

I'll post them when I'm done :)

things going on

2010-04-12T10:18:00.001-07:00

I'm in the middle of writing up a re-dedication ritual that I would like to work this weekend. It's coming along just fine and I'm really excited about doing a formal ritual again... it's been too long.

But I'm setting a list of goals in front of me with this, and I'm a little scared I can't make it through all of them. But I'll try my best, I have to start putting myself out there spiritually and let myself be vulnerable to making someone disappointed.

It's hard!

In the handfasting arena, things have way slowed down. We've been sorta beaten down with the daily crap type stuff and since finals are looming, things are pretty stressed. I'm not worrying too much, but I should be a tad worried.

Otherwise, life is yay!!

I'm thankful for:

My fiancee.
My dog.
The Little One
Breakfast

Wishcasting Wednesday

2010-03-31T10:51:00.000-07:00

Today is all about:

What do you wish to accomplish?

I want to accomplish a lot.
Graduate, get into the Grad program, get handfasted without too much stress, learn about birds, botany, set up and maintain a community garden, buy a house, have kids, do something with my degrees, have a better relationship with everyone around me, raise confidant and self-reliant kids, etc.

Perhaps I should start smaller. I'd like to get good grades this semester and a beautiful garden this season.

News!

2010-03-31T09:18:00.000-07:00

So... my BF and I are engaged!

We're planning it for next summer- July 17, 2011.

It's gonna be a handfasting and I'm so exited!!

:D

There's so much to plan, so much to do. Luckily we have time.
Everyone is so happy for us, my parents like him and his mom likes me. The Little One is suuuuuuper happy for us to do this.

I'll of course be posting more here. It's interesting that there's a bit of information about handfastings, but not really any explanation on "how to" do this all.

So I'll be making posts here and on my website al about planning a handfasting, what needs to be part of it, the different meanings, traditions and etc that I come across. Also, a how-to build the ceremony and the vows.

Yay!!

What do you wish to take a break from?

2010-03-24T10:53:00.000-07:00

Wishcasting Wednesday

I'd like to take a break from stress! Sigh. It seems to be everywhere in my life right now.
I plan on taking care of this with more planning! More and more and more.... I'm a tad controlling :P but it seems to work out in the end.

Ostara!!

2010-03-21T08:41:00.000-07:00

We had a fun, busy Ostara!!!

Also, my website www.end-in-dreams.net has more in the Photo Album section!

Happy Spring!

Favorite Podcasts

2010-03-17T16:52:00.001-07:00

Listening to:

Pagan Parents on the Edge
Pagan Spirituality Today
Wait! Wait! Don't Tell Me
Dogcast Radio
Gardenerd Tip of the Week
Science Friday
Quirks and Quarks

Trying out:
Vegetarian Food for Thought
A Pagan in the Threshold
Gardenfork
Inciting a Riot

And there have been a few I've listened to but decided I didn't like, for whatever reason.

Broken Mirror Protection

2010-03-16T22:41:00.001-07:00

What to do with a broken mirror:

Be careful.... it's probably pretty messy and avoid any cuts if possible when you're cleaning it up.

Place them in a glass jar and keep it on a windowsill to protect your home.

Say:
Jar filled with fire's reflection,
grant our home with your protection.

Meme

2010-03-16T21:01:00.001-07:00

Confessions of a Crafty Witch had this a few weeks ago, and I love memes, so here it is!!

Basics

Do you have a magickal name?
Nope :) Well, my alias is my middle name, but I've never felt the need to distance myself from my magical life- it seems to me that my magical life is my normal/real life, so I never needed the distinction.

Does it have a special meaning?
n/a

How did you find Wicca/Paganism?
I started questioning the religion my parents raised me in, and my best friend's mom had a Silver Ravenwolf book she gave me that started me on this path.

How long have you been practicing?
About 7 years? 8 in August.

Solitary or group practitioner?
Solitary, but I'm trying to start up a local Pagan group.

What is your path?
Umm... Wiccan, I tend to lean towards the kitchen/hearth witchery and garden witchcrafting, but mostly just Wiccan.

Are you out of the broom closet?
Yes.

Gods/Goddess

Who are your patron Gods?
I worship a more "generic" God- in all of his phases of life through the Wheel.

Who are your patron Goddess'?
Like above, a more "generic" Goddess.

Which Gods/Goddess' do you worship?
All of them ... and none of them by name. (I suppose.) I don't like the idea of worshipping one or two Gods from each pantheon, and none of the pantheons I've studied have really called to me. Perhaps I worship the Goddess of the earth and hearth; the God of the sky and wild.

Do you fear dark aspects of the Gods/Goddess, or rather, respect them?
Healthy respect.

Do you worship the Christian God?
No.

Do you ever worship animals?
No, but I think of them as guides.

Or plants?
More like Muses, or guides.

Nature

Do you regularly commune with nature?
As much as I can. I go on walks with my puppy, I'm gardening whenever I can (inside and out) and come spring time I'll be hiking.

Ever walked barefoot in the woods?
No, where I live the pinecones are brutal.

Taken a camping trip just to talk to nature?
No, they're more social than anything.

Describe the moment you felt closest to Mother Earth?
The first time I planted a seed and it sprouted for me.

What is/are your power animal(s)?
I don't believe I have one. I've never felt the need to find one.

Do you have a familiar?
A few. One of my cats especially likes to be around when I pull out the magic stuff.

Have you ever called upon the powers of an animal in ritual?
Nope, mostly just talking with the God or Goddess.

Or a plant?
Like, Earth?

Do you hug trees?
Not physically, but I leave gifts when I can.

Give them gifts?
Lol. When I can, or when I remember to.

What is your favorite flower to work with?
Rose.

What is your favorite tree to work with?
I don't know- I suppose cedar, but it's been giving me headaches.

Wheel of the Year

What are your favorite holidays?
Litha and Yule.

What if your least favorite holiday?
Samhain. (Awkward, I know.)

Have you ever held a ritual on a holiday?
Whenever I can.

Ever taken a day off work to celebrate a pagan holiday?
Yep :) quite a few times.

Do you celebrate Yule on the 21 rather than the 25?
21st. I ignore the 25th, or work when I can. Sometimes I do the Christmas thing with my family, and now that I'm with the BF and the Little One, we do Christmas.

Have you ever felt the Veil thin?
Yeah.

Ever danced the Maypole?
No :( but hopefully this year!

Know what the Maypole symbolizes?
Yep.

Ever made love on Beltane?
:P

How do you usually celebrate the pagan holidays?
Things have changed up since moving in with them, but this year I'm trying to make them big and exciting, for the Little One. (And for me, I love holidays)

Divination

Do you use Tarot?
I have a few decks, but I mostly read for other people.

Do you use runes?
Not really, but the BF does.

Do you use a pendulum?
Nope.

Do you use dowsing rods?
Nope.

Do you use astrology?
Not really.

Any other form of divination?
Fun scrying stuff, mirrors, dream interpretation.

Spells

What was the first spell you did?
The self-initiation spell out of 'To Ride A Silver Broomstick' ... sigh. How cute :)

What was the latest?
Sweet sleep charm, happy new year blessing.

Ever done a love spell?
Only for other people. Other than in hs, I did an end-the-love spell that was quite awesome.

A job spell?
Nope.

A healing spell?
Nope, I don't really get sick and the people around me aren't really into healing spells, they rely solely on medication.

What was the most powerful spell you've ever performed?
Hrmmm, a banishing spell for a friend. I was wiped out for a while after that.

Cryptozoology

Do you believe in Vampires?
No.

Werewolves?
No.

Shape shifters?
To a point.

Elves? Faeries? Dragons? Nymphs? Sprites? Mermaids? Sirens? Satyrs?
Yeah, but mostly only existing on a different plane.

Angels?
Not really.

Ghosts/Spirits?
Yes.

Ever "seen" any of the above?
No :/ but I keep hoping.

Ever talked to any of the above?
I've communicated, but not with my physical voice.

Ever called on any of the above in magick?
No.

Do you have one of them as a personal guardian?
I believe we have spirit guides.

Random

Do you see a rabbit, a man or a woman in the moon?
I see an elderly woman with lots of wrinkles in her face. <<<
Own a cat?
Several.

When you meditate what does your sacred/safe place look like?
It's a meadow with a small stream running through it, with a small hut to one side. I sit on a big flat rock under the sun or moon (or rain, or stars) but yeah. It's bright green, wildflowers, I can see the forest circling and blue mountains in the distance.

Do you work with Chakras?
Not as much as I'd like.

Do you believe in soul mates?
Yes.

Ever met one?
Yes, my bf.

Do you have a Spirit guide?
I think so, though I haven't met any of them.

Is it always love and light?
Nope. But sometimes :)

Project Pagan Enough

2010-03-14T12:54:00.000-07:00

2010-03-12T22:23:00.000-08:00

sometimes life isn't what you want it to be and it breaks your heart.

but in the morning it'll be forgotten and you'll get to try again.

2010-02-12T10:03:00.000-08:00

I agree with this.

re: Avatar.

2010-02-01T10:45:00.000-08:00

Yeah, so there have been a lot of articles lately on the web about how some Pagans/Wiccans think they're similar to the Na'vi.

It's interesting to think about, but I don't really believe it.

If the movie is supposed to be taken as social commentary, or even a mirror for our world (which I seriously doubt it's supposed to be) it makes much more sense to draw parallels to deforestation or colonization/imperialism/materialism than a page note for Wiccans.

But that's just me :)

musings

2010-01-28T15:15:00.000-08:00

What do I want to be when I grow up?

Sigh.

I want to be well-read, informed, classy, fun and happy.
So it's up to me to make choices that will reflect that.

I'm still sludging my way through college- almost done.
I don't know where to go from there. I've been talking about Grad school- but that's a LOT of work... and with the BF, his daughter, work and all the pets I'm honestly not sure I can do it.

But if I don't stay in school, I have no job. And my precariously balanced stress level is jumping even with the thought of not having a job.
We can't move so soon- we're still making things work here. There are a lot of factors keeping us here- the divorce, custody, etc. All centered around the Little One.
I've talked to my therapist about it and I'm not ashamed to say it: Sometimes I resent her. Sometimes I wish she wasn't here, wasn't part of us.

But she is. And I love her. She's, for all intents and purposes, my daughter. And I will continue making sacrifices for her, the majority of which I don't resent making.
But I also can't give up my future, my self, for her. Or for my BF.

And I need to decide how this is gonna work out.

Besides, I'm already grown up... and I *am* well-read, informed, classy and happy. So why does it seem like a goal? Lol. I feel like the human condition is to be always struggling to obtain the next thing, to need to advance in some way. A little bit of uncertainty does a body good.

Because it will :) I have the right amount of faith and the right amount of determination to know when things are in my hands or in the Gods'.

on snow and other things.

2010-01-21T08:10:00.001-08:00

Winterpocalypse is upon us! Lol. I love the snow, and so does my dog :)

On account of school closing I'm sitting at home with my BF and the Little One... and the cats, fish and dog. It's quite a full house and I only really realize it when we're all cooped in.

:)

Right now I'm working on scrapbooking my BOS and it's looking really cute :)

Crafts

2010-01-04T09:26:00.000-08:00

I found this really, really awesome blog post dated a while back and had to link it.

We're still in the middle of winter here, and it doesn't look like it'll be slowing down anytime soon... this gave me great ideas and inspiration for keeping the Little One busy!

Kindle books ftw

2009-12-30T09:42:00.000-08:00

Amazon has all the book that are in the public domain up for free (duh) and I just downloaded/synced about 40 of them.

Also, there are some fluffy romance novels for free, which can be fun little pick-me-ups. Yay.

I kinda have a thing for classics, and I'm hoping to compile a list of which ones I'd like to have read this coming year.... and a list of books that aren't classics. I do so love YA fantasy.

*sigh*

I think for the next book my bf and I are gonna read (it's my pick this time) will be ...well. Hm. I'm still thinking! I have time though, he's reading the HP books again and I have a few on my bookshelf to work through.

Turn-Around Tuesday: Lessons from Winter

2009-12-29T10:01:00.000-08:00

This week for Turn-Around Tuesday

PaganDad had a great post a little while back about what he's learned from winter. It's about patience, listening to the Gods and Goddesses and slowing things down to appreciate them. Here's his post.

>

Magical Research

2009-12-28T15:00:00.000-08:00

I have two BOS- one online and one that I've been scrapbooking for about a year, off and on.

My mom took my shopping this last weekend to pick up some scrapbooking accessories (she's trying to get me into card making also, lol) and I realized how much fun I have putting all that I've learned into this book. The website is nice to reference, but I love my books- I have one smaller one (8.5x 8.5) with general info and a larger one (12x12) that I've started adding the spells I've worked and any rituals I've written down/planned.
I don't do much spellwork, so it's pretty under-developed.
I'm about 2/3 the way through putting in the general info I've come across/written down over these past years. It's neat to go back through and re-learn things :)

This is how my though process goes:
1. Question- Oh hey, how does that sound?
2. Write down what I know, what I think.
3. Online research- Oh Google.
4. Book research- Oh Cunningham.
5. Online research again- Yay Google.
6. Copy/paste into a text file (along with the original link)
7. Paraphrase, compile, delete, compile. Add stuff here and there.
8. Try it out.
9. Write experiences, fix text file.
10. Paste onto my website.
11. Design scrapbook page.
12. Make scrapbook page.

So I get around to doing this very rarely. I have about a dozen half-crafted text files and more than two dozen notebook pages scribbled out.

Fun times.

How do your thoughts go when you're researching, crafting, spellworking, or working with Deities?

Book update

2009-12-23T14:50:00.000-08:00

This last week, I finished:

1. Wednesday Night Witches, Lee Nichols: It was cute, for sure. Not remotely pagan or Wiccan, most definitely a fluff novel. But cute. Then ending was bizarre, as only chick lit can be, but it somehow worked :P

2. Garden Witchery, Ellen Dugan: It felt like it was missing something. It's a good book to have on the shelf, but I think Cunningham wrote the best book out there already :/
I had a list of books I've read in 2009, but I stopped updating it sometime around August. Sad day!

2010 will be better :)

Turn Around Tuesdays- Creeping Pantheism

2009-12-22T09:52:00.000-08:00

Letter from Hardscrabble Creek has a post about the movie Avatar which I haven't seen yet.. but gives me something to think about when I get around to seeing it. Apparently one of the other film reviews touched on Paganism and pantheism, and had a lot of problems with it.

Anywho, I really like the post.

Yule Breakfast

2009-12-16T10:35:00.000-08:00

So for Yule, I plan on starting the day off right....with breakfast!! Yay!

So here's my favorite cinnamon roll recipe for Yule (and for any breakfast!):

Cinnamon Rolls:

1 (.25 ounce) package active dry yeast
3/4 cup warm water (110 degrees F/45 degrees C)
1/4 cup white sugar
3/4 teaspoon salt
1 egg, room temperature
2 1/2 cups bread flour
1/4 cup butter, softened
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
1/2 cup brown sugar

Dissolve yeast in warm water and let sit until foamy.
In a large bowl, combine the yeast mixture with the sugar, salt, egg and 1 cup flour; combine. Stir in the remaining flour, 1/2 cup at a time, beating well with each addition. When the dough has pulled together, turn it out onto a lightly floured surface and knead until smooth and elastic, about 8 minutes. Cover with a damp cloth and let rest for 10 minutes.
Lightly grease an 8x8 baking pan. Roll dough out on a lightly floured surface to 1/4 inch thick rectangle. Smear the dough with butter and sprinkle with cinnamon and brown sugar. Roll the dough along the long edge. Slice the roll into 16 equal size pieces and place them in the pan with the cut side up.
Cover pan with plastic wrap and refrigerate overnight or cover and let rise at room temperature until doubled in volume, about 45 minutes.
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C). Bake rolls until golden brown, about 20 minutes.

Also you can make eggs!! Sunny side up, on toast, here's a link:

Egg in Toast

Wassail

2009-12-16T10:30:00.001-08:00

The blogs have been abuzz with topics about Wassail.... which I have no clue what it is (other than a spicy drink).

However, Gypsy Magic has posted some great recipes and ceremonies for wassail which are really interesting.

I've never drank wassail... I don't like apple cider and I imagine it's pretty similar. But maybe I'll try it this year. Maybe.

I actually just generally like Gypsy Magic- they post some really good information and some really interesting spell ideas.

Teaser Tuesdays

2009-12-15T10:50:00.000-08:00

From Reading with Tequila by way of Should Be Reading.

My book: Diamond Age by Neal Stephenson

"Bowler hats hung in clusters from poles and wall hooks all over the room, like great bunches of black grapes. A lot of engineers and artifexes seemed to come to this place." (188)

AWESOME book.

2009-12-14T10:08:00.000-08:00

Mrs B is having a giveaway! It's an adorable necklace from Cyprus Sun Jewelry on Etsy. It's really adorable!!

Yay!!

Yule Tip

2009-12-12T08:59:00.000-08:00

For those who can't light a Yule log, instead make a Buche de Noel- and put candles on top.

Here's a link from the Farmer's Almanac.

Today I'm taking my puppy to the dog park, catch up on some reading, fix up my garden altar (the snow kinda mushed it about) and hopefully plan my garden for next year!

What I Learned this Week:

2009-12-11T14:31:00.000-08:00

I've learned:

I'm not the only one who buys panties to feel better.

Some people still think homosexuality should be cured.

Sigh.

Obligatory First Post- First steps

2009-12-10T15:24:00.000-08:00

Better start out on a good post, right?

Basic principles- What exactly do you believe?

I believe that choices define our lives and our experiences. I think Wicca gives people the opportunity to take advantage of personal responsibility and to affect situations that could/would bring an undesirable end.

The Rede is cited in hilarious solemnity and is wrongly perceived as the core of Wicca. Don't misunderstand, I adore the poem and have used it to explain my religion on many occasions. But I also think that there are variations to every person's faith- and Wicca is no different. While I try to live by the Rede, it doesn't define my faith.

"An it harm none, do what ye will" Is usually the focus of the Rede, but I prefer to emphasize the "Live and let live; fairly take and fairly give" aspect of the Rede. Don't forget that the "do what ye will" part is supposed to be a summation of the ideals and advice given. It takes a lot of interpretation to be able to boil the fairly wordy poem down to eight words. Each line should have equal weight.

I believe that life is important, prayers are part of spellwork, the gods like jokes as much as humans do, words carry magic and flowers whisper secrets.

I use the eight Sabbats to honor the gods and goddesses, the moon phases to work magic, tradition and lore to guide my steps and my smile to make friends.

I define myself (because I'm human and I feel I must) as a Solitary Kitchen Witch and I've been such for 8 years.

This was posted on my blog last June, but I'm moving my blog from my website: www.end-in-dreams.net to here, just because :)
I'm still keeping the site, it's my BOS and coming along quite nicely.